Red Sister Contest

You may know already but I collect signed books. I have a pretty good collection with just under 50 autographs. And although Mark Lawrence is one of my favorite authors, his signature is sadly missing from my collection.

With your help I can change that. He is having a contest and giving away not only signed but doodled copies of Red Sister. Mark said that the person that makes a blog post with most unique comments could win  or I could try for a viral tweet or  make a Facebook post with the most shares and likes. Unfortunately my review with almost 300 views won’t count, the post has to be new. So I did what I do best I went to Photoshop.  And I got a few Nuns from the past to show off the book. But i need you all to comment on this post. Thanks for your help and I hope you enjoy these photos! If you do don’t forget to tell me in the comments!

I asked 100 nuns who their favorite character by Mark Lawrence was. 99 of them said Nona Grey.

5

“A book is as dangerous as any journey you might take. The person who closes the back cover may not be the same one that opened the front one. Treat them with respect.”  –Sister Kettle

3

This book… I just love Nona Gray… You need to read this book.

4

I wonder how much more awesome Nona would be if she could fly like me????

6

 I don’t have a caption for this one……

1

 

Here is a link to Marks blog post about the contest if you want to enter. If you do enter….  I guess I wish you good luck. http://mark—lawrence.blogspot.co.uk/2017/02/red-sister-contest.html

To Pre- Order Red Sister click below

Amazon

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Hob’s Review of Black City Demon by Richard A Knaak

Black City Demon

by Richard A Knaak

 

Blurb

Since he became the guardian of the Gate between our world and Feirie sixteen hundred years ago, Nick Medea, once Saint George, has battled to keep the darkest Feirie–the Wyld–from invading the mortal plane. With the dragon an unwilling part of him, Nick maintains balance between realms, often at great cost to him and those nearest to him.
Nick and his ragtag confederates–including the shape-shifter Fetch and Nick’s reincarnated love, Claryce–have battled the Wyld, but mortals as sinister as the darkest Feirie. Now, with Prohibition in full swing and bootlegger wars embattling Chicago, a murderous evil born of the mortal world has turned its attention to the power of the Gate…and Nick himself.
Nick must turn again to his most untrustworthy ally: the dragon within. Yet even together they may not be enough to face what was once a man…but is now a creature even dragons may fear

Here is a photo of Bob wearing a real 1930’s hat that belonged to my grandmother while getting ready to read .

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Before I get to the Chin Music lets talk about the physical attributes or the Gams of the book.

The cover is pretty Spiffy and maybe you could even call it Hotsy-totsy. The editing was spot on I didn’t see one comma out of place and I was reading an ARC. I also liked the big print I guess my Kindle is kind of spoiling me with its zoom but I may need to get me a pair of Cheaters soon.

 

Now let’s Get a Wiggle on and get to the story morning glory.  I have Carried a Torch for this series since I read book one last year.  I still think book one is the cat’s meow but I have to say book two is just about Berries. I am not one to just Beat My Gums for no reason. If you like any type of crime or detective books I am sure you will like this series. Not to be a Wet Blanket but I don’t usually like those types of books. but this book is Air Tight with me anyway.

 

Let’s try a bit of normal talk, if I can still do it. Ab-so-lute-ly I can talk normal, See.

Now you all know I don’t like to describe the plot much and I don’t do spoilers. That said talking about a second book at all is hard. I will say I love the Characters. Nick is just as solid as I expected but not as level headed as I remember. I blame that on Claryce, she sure is a  Bearcat.  But also on the Dragon he really wants to toast the town (not in a good way) and is constantly trying to take charge. But once again Fetch the slang talking dog-thing stole the show.  I love that fuzzy …. whatever he is.

 

My only Beef with this book is the bad guy. It was just plain that he was bad and well, it didn’t take any detective-ing to know who it was. But a lot of trying to find out what he was up too. But I guess that’s how it was supposed to go because it was obvious from the start and the author was not trying to hide the fact. The ending Sockdollager alone was worth the read.

 

Did you know Goblins are great dancers? Here is a photo of a goblin Jane that was a famous Flapper back in the day. While she was sitting back drinking a cup of Noodle juice

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Final Thoughts

It is a great book, with great people filling the pages. The plot was good but kind of predictable. I feel this would be an enjoyable read for Fantasy fans as well as Mystery readers. I am going to give Black City Demon 4.25 stars out of 5

 

 

 

 

ab-so-lute-ly: affirmative, yes

absent treatment: dancing with a timid partner

air tight: very attractive

And how!: I strongly agree!

ankle: to walk, i.e.. “Let’s ankle!”

applesauce: flattery, nonsense, i.e.. “Aw, applesauce!”

Attaboy!: well done!; also, Attagirl!

bearcat: a fiery girl

beat it: scram, get lost.

beat one’s gums: idle chatter

bee’s knee’s: terrific; a fad expression. Dozens of “animal anatomy” variations existed such as: elephant’s eyebrows, gnat’s whistle, eel’s hips, etc.

beef: a complaint or to complain.

berries: (1) perfect (2) money

big cheese: important person

caper: a criminal act or robbery.

Carry a Torch: To have a crush on someone

cast a kitten: to have a fit. Used in both humorous and serious situations. i.e. “Stop tickling me or I’ll cast a kitten!” Also, “have kittens.”

cat’s meow: great, also “cat’s pajamas” and “cat’s whiskers”

Cat’s Pajamas: Same as cat’s meow

chassis: the female body

cheaters: eye glasses

chewing gum: double-speak, or ambiguous talk.

chin music: gossip

Flapper: the modern woman of the 1920s.

flat tire: a bore  A dull insipid, disappointing date. Same as pill, pickle, drag, rag, oilcan

gams: legs, assets

  get a wiggle on: get a move on, get going

hip to the jive: cool, trendy

Hotsy-totsy. Perfect; attractive, pleasing to the eye

Jake: great, ie. “Everything’s Jake.”

Jalopy: a dumpy old car

Jane: any female

java: coffee

jeepers creepers: exclamation

Nerts!: I am amazed!

nifty: great, excellent

Noodle juice: tea

Not so good!: I personally disapprove.

“Now you’re on the trolley!” Now you’ve got it, now you’re right

piffle: baloney

piker: (1) a cheapskate (2) a coward

pill: (1) a teacher (2) an unlikable person

pinch: to arrest. Pinched: to be arrested.

pinko: liberal

pipe down: stop talking

prom-trotter: a student who attends all school social functions

pos-i-lute-ly: affirmative, also “pos-i-tive-ly”

prune pit: anything that is old-fashioned

punch the bag: small talk

Pushover: A person easily convinced

razz: to make fun of

Real McCoy: a genuine item

regular: normal, typical, average;

screaming meemies: the shakes

screwy: crazy; “You’re screwy!”

Spiffy: An elegant appearance

spill: to talk

Sockdollager: an event or action of great importance

swanky: (1) good (2) elegant

swell: (1) good (2) a high class person

water-proof: a face that doesn’t require make-up

weasel: a young man who steals a girl from her boyfriend

wet blanket: see Killjoy

You slay me!: That’s funny

Black City Demon by Richard a. Knaak

Available for Pre-order.  will be released on March 14, 2017.

Teaching my son to Ride and more

Yesterday I drove down the mountain to Scottsdale and picked up my eldest son. I am going to give him my motorcycle but he needs to learn how to drive it first. So I took him to where the old drive in theater was and showed him how it is done. . I think I may have been reading to much LitRPG the last few weeks or fantasy in general all my life beacuse When the old guy on the scooter came over with his sage advice I was expecting him to give us a quest. But anyway here is some video of my boy on my bike doing his first few laps.

Then on my way home I stopped at one of my favorite trail heads and did a quick 2 1/2 mile hike. It is just over one mile up and one down extremely steep.

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It is almost rock climbing instead of hiking, but the reason I love it so much is the view from the top. You can see how close the road is but so far below that kind of puts it in perspective.

But here is a video of me going down the trail a year ago so you can see how steep it is. I apologize in advance for my belly bouncing around I didn’t realize I was filming and it was hot. I had climbed to the top in the dark so I could take some sunrise photos and less then an hour after sunrise it was already about 110 degrees.But I am proud to say that belly is no longer there

Here are a few more photos of I have take on that trail in the past

Hob’s review of HEY DOORMAN VIII: True Tales of an Uncommon Bouncer in Los Angeles by John P. Kildemm

HEY DOORMAN VIII: True Tales of an Uncommon Bouncer in Los Angeles

Feb 17, 2017 | Kindle eBook

by John P. Kildemm

 

The Blurb.

SEX — VIOLENCE — TRUMP Eight true tales from your wittiest bouncer’s, wittiest bouncer

Mister Kildemm chronicles the night life in the City of Angels as only he can, in the fourth installment of, Hey Doorman. But this time with a biting political edge working in cahoots with his always hilarious edge. That’s two edges people. TWO.

As Jerry Seinfeld once said, “I’m sure he’s having a good laugh over this with his doorman buddies.”

 

I received a free copy of this book from the author in exchange for an honest review.

 

A month or 2 ago the author got a hold of me through my blog and asked if I would be interested in reading his book that would be coming out in February. He added links on Amazon to the first 3 books and when i saw they were all on Kindle Unlimited I grabbed book one to peruse when I got a free bit of time.  It was the same day I decided to stop taking new submissions for a while, I just had too much to read.  But since I mostly read Fantasy and Science fiction it is always nice to have something different once in a while so I accepted.  I am glad I did because it was a generally good book.

As far as the cover goes…. Well there is not much to it.  The editing was well done. I noticed one or two small things. but most people, I am sure would not. I liked the prose. The author writes like he is telling you a story face to face,  so while not what I usually read or review it was done well and fits the book.

 

Now about the book. Well the most important fact of the story is in the title.  The  Uncommon Bouncer part. And it is true The author  John P. Kildemm is a big guy  with a big IQ and a big sense of humor. Now John doesn’t talk much about himself in the book but he tells stories of some of the crazy things that happen to him while working the door at different clubs in L.A. I gather from the stories that he is the kind of guy that laughs silently to himself but while reading I was able to laugh along with him.

The last chapter was really good but it was about Political things so I won’t go in to it but it was funny.

Final Thoughts.

The stories are mostly funny, some are strange, but all are memorable. While i did enjoy the book I I felt it was a bit too short. The political things might get to some but I enjoyed it. Over all a good book by an interesting  guy. Next time I am in L.A. I might actually go to a club but only if the Doorman lets me cut the line. Like the hot goblin below. I give Hey Doorman  3.75 stars out of 5

bounce

 

All of the Hey Doorman books are  on Kindle Unlimited for free so go check em out.

 

Cool Axe Throws and a Sunset

A few days ago I went for a short hike. I wanted to get some Sunset photos because the clouds looked really cool. I brought my trusty axe with me and made a few really good throws. Sorry the video is shaky I was holding the camera. I was wishing I had more than one axe when Coyotes started howling from 3 different directions around me, but I never saw more than cows moving around..

Hob’s review of Heart of Stone by Ben Galley

The Heart of Stone
by Ben Galley

The Blurb

Merciless. Murderer. Monster. He has been called many names in his time.

Built for war and nothing else, he has witnessed every shade of violence humans know, and he has wrought his own masterpieces with their colours. He cared once, perhaps, but far too long ago. He is bound to his task, dead to the chaos he wreaks for his masters.

Now, he has a new master to serve and a new war to endure. In the far reaches of the Realm, Hartlund tears itself in two over coin and crown. This time he will fight for a boy king and a general bent on victory.

Beneath it all he longs for change. For something to surprise him. For an end to this cycle of warfare.

Every fighter has a last fight. Even one made of stone.

I received an E-ARC copy of this book from the author in exchange for an honest review.

First things First. I had an ARC so I can’t really say anything about the errors there are some but almost all in the last quarter of the book and I am sure they will get fixed before publication. The cover was done by The wonderfully talented Shawn King. It is so simple yet compelling I really like the style of it. I did Goblinize® the cover but I feel that I need to apologize for it.

I am sorry Shawn and Ben.

hartg

Now to the Fun Stuff!

OK this is set in a pretty Grimdark world but almost all of the story takes place in one country named Hartlund.

map2

Now that you know where the story happens let me tell you a bit about who it happens to.  The main Character is a 400 year old Stone Golem. His name is Task and his “task” is to kill people. He is bound by the magic that made him to serve his master. So for 400 years he has been moved around and sold from one master to the next. And since he is thought of as a war machine that means he was sent from one war to the next.
Like I said before the world is a pretty Grimdark place with a lot of wars. Since Task was created all of the wizards that made golems have died and Task is the last of the Windcut stone Golems. When he arrives in Hartlund he is told that he is needed to turn the tide of a civil war that has been going on for 9 years already and his side is losing. His new master is a pompous ass hat just like all of his others and orders him to the stable until they march. That is where he meets Lesky a little girl that works the stable and she becomes his first friend in a very long time. That’s all I am going to say as far as plot goes.
This is the first book by Ben that I have read and I ended up really liking  his style of world building, but was a bit nervous at first. For example there are large lizard type things that are used like horses and he doesn’t sit and describe what they look like. They are slowly described throughout the book through things like someone touching their scales or saying how they moved. There are a few things like that and while I usually don’t like that type of world building he did it really well.
I am going to be honest and say there is a lot of violence in Heart of Stone, but it is there for a reason. Its not dismemberment for the sake of upping the gore factor.  Even with all of the gore and the battles I was amazed at my reaction to some of the later parts of the book. Just like with the descriptions of the lizard things happening slowly, my emotional attachment to some of the characters happened almost unnoticed by me, however  it was a deep attachment.. It wasn’t until one part when  something happened to someone when I felt a real tear that I knew I cared about these imaginary people. When I say things like “brought a tear to my eye” in reviews it usually means that I felt kind of choked up, but I really had a tear or two on my cheeks while reading this and that has not happened to me in a long time.

 

Final Thoughts
I really enjoyed Ben’s style of writing. It was almost sneaky the way he made me care about the characters.  This is a standalone book not a series which is kind of nice. It has been a while since I read one of those, and even longer since I read one anywhere near good as this book.  This is the first novel I have read by Ben Galley but it most certainly will not be the last. Heart of Stone is one action packed, bloody, emotional ride and I loved it. It receives 5 out of 5 Little Goblins© from me

The Heart of Stone

Mar 30, 2017

by Ben Galley

Available for Pre-order on Amazon. It will be released on March 30, 2017.

Hob’s Review of NPCs (Spells, Swords, & Stealth #1) by Drew Hayes

NPCs (Spells, Swords, & Stealth #1)

by Drew Hayes

 

THE BLURB!!!

What happens when the haggling is done and the shops are closed? When the quest has been given, the steeds saddled, and the adventurers are off to their next encounter? They keep the world running, the food cooked, and the horses shoed, yet what adventurer has ever spared a thought or concern for the Non-Player Characters?

In the town of Maplebark, four such NPCs settle in for a night of actively ignoring the adventurers drinking in the tavern when things go quickly and fatally awry. Once the dust settles, these four find themselves faced with an impossible choice: pretend to be adventurers undertaking a task of near-certain death or see their town and loved ones destroyed. Armed only with salvaged equipment, second-hand knowledge, and a secret that could get them killed, it will take all manner of miracles if they hope to pull off their charade.

And even if they succeed, the deadliest part of their journey may well be what awaits them at its end.

 

NPCs  Audiobook

I started  listening  to this Audiobook back in January of last year. When I was only about 20 minutes in to the book i broke my phone.   It took forever to get a new one and in the meantime I had bought a few more things from audible. When the new phone came and I got the audible app again I never remembered to go down the list to start this one over again. In my mind I somehow thought I had listened to it. Just a week or two ago I saw a post on FB by the author saying book 3 was coming out.

So I went and got book 2 and 3 but I like to listen to the first few chapters of book one before I start the second book if I don’t recall it well. Imagine my surprise when I remembered how I had never finished it. And I am happy and mad at myself for taking so long. Happy because I had a great AB to listen to while I drove for a few hours. Mad because it is a great fricken book I could have listened to over a year ago.

But let’s do this review. The cover is ok. I like how it shows off the parties weapons, but it would have been nice to see the party as well.  The narration is good. Each of the main NPCs having their own “voice”. It is read by Roger Wayne the same narrator that did The Subtle Art Of Not Giving a Fuck, and I loved that one as well. he also did an Audiobook called Until Trevor: By Aurora Rose Reynolds  But even though it has my name and it looks just like me on the cover I probably won’t be reading that one.

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What do you mean that looks nothing like me? Moving on we don’t have time for this argument.

Have you ever played a tabletop RPG? Did you ever have your whole party die?  Did you ever take even a half of a second to think how your death might inconvenience the NPCs around you? NO you didn’t  Because you just think about yourself. You treat NPCs as figments of the GM’s imagination and if you die you just roll a new character all the while complaining about your lost loot. You never stop to think that the soup you made in the forest with mushrooms you found when you rolled a 1 would slowly poison you. Or that when you died in a tavern from poison while you held a quest summons from the mad king he might think the people in the tavern poisoned you. And I am sure you never thought for one second that the mad king would send his solders to burn the whole village of the peasants who dared to poison someone he wanted to hire for a job. But that is exactly what happened to the 4 unfortunate NPCs sitting at the tavern the night a party playing Spells, Swords, & Stealth wiped before they even got to the king to start the quest.

So to save the village from being burned to the ground and all of their friends and family being slaughtered..When they realize that the king didn’t know the names of the dead adventures, just that one was a Paladin one a Rogue, one a Wizard, and one a Barbarian. The 4 brave NPCs step up and don the gear of the 4 adventurers that walked in to their tavern and died.

Let’s take a look at the main….. how about we call them PNPCCs  or Playing Non-Player Character Characters.

We Have a hunchbacked ex-henchman  Gnome. The half-Orc  Bartender that has deep thoughts but says little.  The Mayors Daughter that gets kidnapped by Goblins every other week or so. and the  klutzy Mayors house guard responsible for stopping the goblins . I am not going to say who takes what class because it changes as they travel, and its hilariously awesome. But my favorite part of the whole book is when they meet the goblins in the forest..  forest

I guess NPCs falls in to the LitRPG category. But I am beginning to think the main classification for LitRPG should be that it is a book  not like other LitRPG books. For the most part they are all so unique yet still bring that nostalgic feeling to me that I am really loving this Sub-genre of Fantasy .

FINAL THOUGHTS

Definitely a good book to pick up on a rainy day when you need a good laugh or listen to on a long boring drive.  If you have never played a RPG before you will still find this book amusing and an all around good read. But if, like me you played D&D at a young age then you will find this series will bring back a flood of memories as well as many good laughs. My only complaint is that it was to short. I am going to Give NPCs by Drew Hayes 4.75 little goblins© out of five.

To purchase this book.or get it free with Kindle unlimited

Audible.com

 

Here is a link to goodreads to find out more of another great series by Drew Hayes I highly recommend Book one is called The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant (Fred, the Vampire Accountant, #1)

 

 

Hob’s Review of Veiled Intentions (The Dragon’s Blade #2) by Michael R. Miller

Veiled Intentions (The Dragon’s Blade, #2)
by Michael R. Miller

 

I received a copy of this book from the author in exchange for a honest review. This in no way changes my opinions.

I really like the cover but this one left me with not much to go on to goblinize it. So I just added a cute fluffy stuffed goblin.

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. Just as in book one I am amazed at how well polished the editing is. I don’t recall seeing one error in this one and that is rare for me.

Although it did take me an abnormally long time to finish this it had nothing to do with the book itself, and everything to do with a Storage shed. If you don’t know what I am talking about count yourself lucky. If you do I am sorry.  Either way look at the upgrades I found for Bob in the storage unit.

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Doesn’t he look handsome? For those that don’t know Bob. He is my Idea man, I like to bounce things off of him while I write. He usually has good advice…… OK stop looking at me like that! You are at a Goblin themed book review blog. You must have know I was a bit strange to begin with.  And Bob doesn’t like it when you stare at me. You don’t want to see Bob angry.

Now back to the book. This is the second book in a planed trilogy. Usually the middle books are a bit slower. This one did manage to keep the action up for the most part which was nice. But I did feel that the plot was a bit too predictable here. All of the big reveals that happened I saw coming. But I read a lot of fantasy so it’s hard for me to judge these things. As for where I think it will end  I may be wrong but I think I know. Now that may sound like a bad thing and I guess it usually is. But the writing style is good enough that even if I knew every plot point in advance I would still want to read these books.

In the later parts of the book a few things happened that I felt where pretty unlikely from what we know of everything that happened beforehand.  I don’t know enough about the guy to say if he is a traitor or not  But either way it still seemed odd to me.

Final Thoughts

This series feels to me like it would be a great introduction to Fantasy for someone that hasn’t read any before or didn’t like the books they tried. Its very well written but predictable so far.  I like most of the characters and really want to know if it is going to end the way I think or if all of my assumptions will be overturned. Because you know what they say of people that make assumptions. They make an ass out of you and  mptions. Wait that isn’t right is it? Oh well. Veiled Intentions (The Dragon’s Blade #2) by Michael R. Miller gets 3.75 out of 5 stars from this goblin reviewer and Bob.

3-and-3-q

TO BUY CLICK BELOW

Details

ISBN-13:
9781911079767
Publisher:
Michael R. Miller
Publication date:
02/10/2017
Series:
Dragon’s Blade , #2
Pages:
450
Product dimensions:
5.24(w) x 7.99(h) x 1.00(d

amazon.com

KU Subscribers read for free.

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Hob’s review of The Girl With All The Gifts by M. R. Carey

The Girl with All the Gifts

***THE BLURB***

Melanie is a very special girl. Dr Caldwell calls her “our little genius”.

Every morning, Melanie waits in her cell to be collected for class. When they come for her, Sergeant keeps his gun pointing at her while two of his people strap her into the wheelchair. She thinks they don’t like her. She jokes that she won’t bite, but they don’t laugh.

Melanie loves school. She loves learning about spelling and sums and the world outside the classroom and the children’s cells. She tells her favorite teacher all the things she’ll do when she grows up. Melanie doesn’t know why this makes Miss Justineau look sad.

The Girl with All the Gifts is a sensational thriller, perfect for fans of Stephen King, Justin Cronin, and Neil Gaiman.

©2014 M.R. Carrey (P)2014 Hachette Audio

girl-with-all-the-gifts

The Cover is pretty plain but it is pretty powerful when you look at it after you have read the book. The narration was really excellent. I can’t think of anyone that could have done a better job.

Just reading the blurb you know more about this book than I did when I started it. I knew absolutely nothing of what it was about I had heard people saying it was good. But if I am completely honest the main reason I got it is that the Author is quoted on Dyrk Ashton’s  book cover extolling its virtues, and since Dyrk is a friend and I loved his book  I wanted to see what M.R. Carrey had written.

When it first started I was drawing a lot of parallels to an anthology I read a year or two ago called Through the Eyes of the Undead   ( Very good by the way and free right now on KU)

But it soon went far afield from anything that can be done in a short story. Now I need to explain something. I am a father. My kids are the most important things in my life. I would do anything for them. I even stayed in a bad relationship for 22 years (17 bad years) because I would not be one of the guys that isn’t around to talk to his kids after school every day. The reason I tell you this is so I can try to explain the anguish I feel when I read about kids in harm’s way or emotionally messed up. So I have to admit that during the first 2 or 3 hours of this AB I was pretty much continuously holding back tears.  And I loved it!

I fell in love with Melanie from the very first minute of the book. The other characters were not that well fleshed out but most of the book is from Melanie’s POV anyway. And that is my only criticism of the book.

There are some pretty scary scenes  but nothing to bad. While not the best bed time story for the toddlers, for a zombie story I would say it’s OK for the younger teens.  It is a hell of a lot less than any thing you would see on a episode of The Walking Dead.

FINAL THOUGHTS

It is a great read. It pulled on my heart strings so hard at times I thought it would get pulled right out. It doesn’t matter if you don’t like zombie books this is something I think most of the people that visit my blog would love. And OMG what an ending I did not expect that! Just kidding……. or am I? HAHA now you will have to get it just to see if there really is a surprise ending. My work is done here. I give The Girl with All the Gifts 5 out of 5 Goblins 5-star

audible.com

Amazon.com